From A Mother's Heart...

This morning I was reading Matthew 1
I read verse 18:

Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way, when his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit.

I was only able to make it through one more verse before I couldn't read through the tears that were filling my eyes.
"Tears?" You may ask, "Why tears?"

This time, I read this story through different eyes, and I imagined the rest of the story through those same eyes and that same heart....
A Mother's heart.

Here was Mary, about to be a mother for the very first time.

And here I am, able to truly imagine being in her shoes because of this precious boy in my life:

So tears started flowing... and continued to flow as I wrote my thoughts in this journal entry:

God,
How crazy this verse becomes when I stop and place myself in Mary's shoes. We often exalt Mary and her role as if it were some "glorious" task... which it was, carrying the Son of God is a pretty big deal, I get that. But daily she must have struggled to "feel" this way.

She begins her journey into "motherhood" by facing rejection from the man she loved- or was about to love. Can you imagine how this must have felt? But this was only the beginning of the agony her heart would feel thirty some years down the road.

Of course, this initial pain of rejection must have been quickly overshadowed by the tremendous joy she felt as she gazed upon her precious child just moments after she gave birth, and as she watched her little boy grow, develop into an outstanding teacher and leader, who fearlessly challenged people on a deep heart level. Her heart must have swelled with pride as she watched this young babe become an amazing man. Her heart must have also bowed in humility at the opportunity to be God's hands on earth to raise this precious boy.

This mother's proud heart would be the same heart that ACHED to it's very core as she watched Him be taken by soldiers and beaten... flesh ripped from His back as she just had to stand by and watch... (many times with the help of friends who held her back)... Oh how she must have longed to spare Him the pain He was feeling... to step into His place and take the beatings herself.

But she couldn't...

What tension she must have had to bear between listening intently and trusting the Father who was pressing so deeply into her and whispering, " TRUST ME.... LET HIM..." and fighting her mother's heart that wanted to scream, " STOP THIS... STOP IT ALL... These people are NOT worth it... Look at them~ Mocking, Spitting, Screaming, even Laughing!"

Oh how fiercely and desperately she needed the Father's embrace to survive this day... the day of horror where she saw her precious little boy- beaten, bruised, hung on a tree, and left to breathe His last breath.

Knowing all along there was something deeper going on, but facing many moments where her vision was blurred and it was hard to see it all clearly through her tear filled eyes.
Oh what agony of a mother's heart.

And yet...
Oh what beauty of LOVE displayed.
When she, in her flesh, must have thought, "They are not worth it!"
Our Father's reply must have been with tenderness
" Oh my sweet Mary, but THEY ARE!"
"THEY" being you and I.

As a mother, my heart cannot fathom the strength behind those words,
but as a follower of Christ, my heart REJOICES.

These lyrics say it perfectly and are so powerful:

HOW DEEP THE FATHER'S LOVE FOR US
HOW VAST BEYOND ALL MEASURE
THAT HE SHOULD GIVE HIS ONLY SON
TO MAKE A WRETCH HIS TREASURE.

HOW GREAT THE PAIN OF SEARING LOSS
THE FATHER TURNS HIS FACE AWAY
AS WOUNDS WHICH MAR THE CHOSEN ONE
BRING MANY SONS TO GLORY.

BEHOLD A MAN UPON A CROSS
MY SIN UPON HIS SHOULDERS
ASHAMED I HEAR MY MOCKING VOICE
CRY OUT AMONG THE SCOFFERS

IT WAS MY SIN THAT HELD HIM THERE
UNTIL IT WAS ACCOMPLISHED
HIS DYING BREATH HAS BROUGHT ME LIFE,
I KNOW THAT IT IS FINISHED

I WILL NOT BOAST IN ANYTHING:
NO GIFTS, NO POWER, NO WISDOM
BUT I WILL BOAST IN JESUS CHRIST;
HIS DEATH AND RESURRECTION.

WHY SHOULD I GAIN FROM HIS REWARD?
I CANNOT GIVE AN ANSWER
BUT THIS I KNOW WITH ALL MY HEART:
HIS WOUNDS HAVE PAID MY RANSOM.

So this Christmas I will see things differently.
I will rejoice with this mother at the birth of her son.
I will smile at the intimate moments she will have as he grows.
I will grieve alongside of her as she endures tremendous agony.
And I will REJOICE that we have a Father whose LOVE sustains, upholds, and changes lives FOREVER!

~Broken... Humbled... Forever Grateful~